Discovering my 'new normal' after breast cancer diagnosis at 34.

10 July 2011

Nasties: Waking up with mild depression

For the last 2 weeks I have been waking up feeling 'low'. Just before I wake up in the morning, it seems I have a bad-feeling dream and then wake up with that same anxious/sad feeling I have had in the dream. I usually feel better as the day progresses but then in the evening I dread going to bed because I don't want to wake again with that semi-depression.

I don't know what's caused it. I eat well, sleep through the night (except for a regular nightly trip to the toilet), exercise nearly every day, and now have a paid job working from home. Admittedly, I do miss the company of other people during the day. The cats and my internet friends are a good substitute but are not quite the same as the camaraderie of a staff room. I get a bit lonely but on the other hand I have freedom to run or nap whenever I want to.

It could be the mattress. We got a lovely new mattress a week and a half ago and it has a funny 'new mattress' smell. I wonder if that is somehow triggering some (unknown) uncomfortable memory? As the smell has subsided, so have my bad wake-ups. This morning, for example, I felt a lot better. Having said that, I sprayed some 'Sweet Dreams' pillow spray onto my pillow last night and maybe that helped (or the placebo effect helped - either way it helped so I'm happy about that!).

I was very close to giving Beyond Blue a call just to talk things over. I won't rule that out and will monitor the situation for another week. I have been off Effexor now (I was on it for hot flushes when I started Tamixifen in Sept 2009) for about 3 months and I would rather keep it that way. I'll keep you posted.

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